Monday, July 1, 2013

One Year Today


It’s hard to believe, but today marks the one year anniversary of the passing of my father-in-law.  I think time seems even stranger when you experience the loss of someone you really don’t see often, but it certainly doesn’t seem like it’s been a year ago to me, and I know Brian feels like the year has practically flown by.  And, of course, he is sad today, remembering and missing his dad, but grief is such a personal thing anyway, and certainly when dealing with someone like Brian, who doesn’t normally see the point in “dwelling” on things.  Still, even though I’m often guilty of keeping things to myself, there are definitely times I think you just feel better to let it out, and I really think this would be one of those times. 

On the other hand, there’s a quote by C.S. Lewis that I find remarkable:  “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”  The first time I read that, I wanted to simply shout out a resounding “YES!”  That’s exactly how it feels:  fear.  Of course, fear comes in many forms:  fear that you won’t know how to go on alone without the person lost, and fear that you will carry on easily; fear that you will forget the look and the sound of the person lost, and the fear that you will remember constantly; fear that you will feel this emptiness and sadness forever, and fear that it will pass too quickly.  And that’s really the root of it—you don’t want to think that you will bounce back from a loss quickly and easily, because that feels like a betrayal.  But you also don’t want to think that you will feel this emptiness forever.  There is something scary on both sides of the equation. 

And, if showing most emotions in general is something Brian struggles with, well, showing fear is almost certainly too much to ask.  So, I don’t suppose he’ll be talking anytime soon about his dad and how he feels these days, so there’ll be no chance for me to lend an understanding ear.  I guess what I do have to offer, though, is an open heart and the empathy of someone who’s been there.  I’ll just have to keep offering whatever sort of support I can muster.

pop golf hat

One of my favorite photos of Pop.