Monday, December 5, 2011

Nothing Wrong, but Not Quite Right

You know how sometimes you can just feel in a funk?  Probably not severe enough to be considered a depression, and nothing in particular that’s causing it, but it’s there all the same?  Well, that’s kind of where I am now.  Honestly, I’m not sure why.  Things are going mostly okay.  I mean, life isn’t picture perfect or anything, but it’s also not like I’m living something out of Dickens.

In the past, I think this sort of feeling would’ve simply been called “blue”, and you’d either be left to let it run its course, or basically told to cowboy up and get over it.  I don’t really consider either of those options particularly helpful, but, the truth is, I don’t really know how to combat it reasonably, because I have no idea what’s causing it.  General dissatisfaction with work, maybe, though you’d think I’d be used to that by now.  Holiday melancholy? Maybe, though I really sort of love Christmas.  Granted, it’s not been quite as magical the past few years, with lots of family drama and such putting a bit of a damper on the joy of it all, but I don’t think I’ve reached the point where the season actually makes me sad.  At least, I hope I haven’t.

So, I don’t know what it is, but I know that I need to find a way to break through it.  Nothing is really fun for me right now; I’ve kind of moved away from some of the hobbies I used to enjoy; I have to literally force myself to go to work every day; I can’t find the energy or inspiration to exercise . . . the list goes on and on.  The cause may not be readily apparent, but the effects are certainly clear, and it’s not a pretty picture. 

But even if something isn’t quite right, how do you fix it if it also isn’t really wrong?

Bad habit

I’m not entirely sure how I got into such a bad habit of being up half the night, but, here it is, just after 3:30am, and I’m only just now considering going to bed.  And I’m sure it’s clear that even though I’m considering bed, what I’m actually doing is writing this post.

Of course, my current work shift is largely to blame, as I typically don’t get home until at least 1:30 or 2:00, and after taking time to either exercise or veg out a little bit (or both), it’s almost always after three before I hit the hay.  So, of course, on my days off (like today), I tend to stick to that same pattern, when what I should do is take the opportunity to get a bit of extra sleep.  Really, if left to my own devices, I’m one of those folks who needs about nine hours of sleep to really feel rested, and I usually get only about seven, so I’m always behind the eight ball in that regard.  A day or two of getting caught up would probably help in all sorts of ways.

I’m pretty sure that being just on the edge of tired every day doesn’t do much for my weight loss plans, and I know it doesn’t really help my mood.  I really need to find a way to break this habit.  I’ve given up (or drastically cut down) a lot of bad habits already this year, maybe I’ve got the stamina to get rid of just one more.  Maybe.  Or maybe I can’t decide that when I’m already tired and in need of sleep.