Sunday, May 13, 2012

Still Holding My Heart (May Photos, Day 13)

 

It’s Mother’s Day, so of course the theme for today is “mum”, or, what we here in the States would call “mom”.

Ever since I’ve been a mom, Mother’s Day has been bittersweet for me.  When I was pregnant, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  At the time of diagnosis, the doctors believed she had three, maybe six months to live.  She surprised everyone by lasting eighteen.  I was grateful for that for many reasons, but the greatest was because it meant she survived to become a grandmother.  She also survived long enough for me to celebrate one Mother’s Day with her after I had joined that special club, though that was the beginning of the bittersweet times, knowing that it would likely be the last with her.

Ever since then, of course, each and every Mother’s Day brings a bit of sadness, because she is no longer here with me.  I can’t call her to tell her how much I love her, or have her help me with my own parenting questions.  I can’t ask her when—if—being a mother ever gets easier.  When my son was little, there were times I thought I’d never survive without my own mother teaching me how to be a mother.  But now that he’s a grown man, I realize this might really be the time that I could use some guidance. 

Of course, I have that guidance.  I have my memories; I know how she handled different circumstances, and I try to learn by proxy by remembering. She was my first friend, and my friend until the day she died; she taught by example and I was blessed to have her in my life.  

As another Mother’s Day passes, I miss her all over again, and I take a moment to send a prayer her way.  A prayer of thanks for being the best mother I could’ve hoped to have, and a prayer for guidance to somehow help me still.  I know that I’ve fallen short in so many ways, and I wonder if she felt that way, too.  I wish I could tell her she needn’t have worried, and I hope she knows that she is still my shining light.  And, I hope it’s not too self-serving of me to hope that someday my son will feel that way about his mother, too.

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.

                                                                ~ Unknown Author

13.  Mum (AKA Mom)

 

 

The generations:  My grandmother, my mother, me, my son

3 comments:

  1. how terrible that must have to find out initially about your mom
    my "adopted" mum has just been diagnosed with cancer however shes caught it really early thanks to testing and is having an op on the 17th to remove it

    HUGS

    in case you were wondering my new friend about my own mother we are estranged. I have asked for forgiveness for any part i played in our breakdown of our relationship and have also asked to see her shes not interested
    she is estranged from my sis
    so you can understand how important our "adopted" mum is to us

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jen, that's so sad about you and your mom; it's such an important relationship, and I hate to hear when anyone is unwilling to try to make it work. I know it doesn't really help to say "it's her loss", because--of course--it's yours, too, but if she is unwilling to make any effort, the reality is she may not be a person worth putting effort into.

      So, enjoy the blessing of your adopted mom, and know that those who are willing to give and receive love are the best kind of people to have in your life.

      And, I'll be thinking good thoughts for the surgery and praying that you and your new mom have many more years to share.

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