So, apparently my current streak lasted all of one day. The perils of being dependent upon someone else’s technology, I suppose, include inconsistent web access. Dang it.
I’ve got a not-so-secret secret. Just about everyone who knows me knows it. Heck, I may have even confessed it here on these pages sometime in the past. The secret? I’m a ‘fraidy-cat. No, seriously, Things scare me. Lots of things. Flying. High places in general (if you can see out; being inside tall buildings isn’t too much of an issue as long as I stay away from windows). Driving over bridges. I don’t know, now that I think about it, maybe it’s just heights, but it feels like more than that. Really, I think it’s the unknown, and a lack of control. And, of course, heights.
I’ve lived with being a ‘fraidy-cat all my life, and I mostly manage just fine, though I do think sometimes it prevents me from doing things I might actually enjoy. A couple of years ago, when we took a tour in a seaplane up in Vancouver, I was terrified. Literally, white-knuckled terrified the entire time. But I can’t deny it was beautiful, and I’m glad I fought my fear and did it. I’m not sure I’d do it again, but I’m still glad I did it once.
As I read through my study guide preparing for the Certified Paralegal exam that I’ve got coming up next week, I feel that fear of the unknown again. And another fear that I haven’t mentioned yet but that many people are more familiar with: the fear of failure. That’s a big one, and sometimes it can be paralyzing. I was scared when I started back to school last year, but I not only survived, but even thrived. And I was scared when I returned to the work into a brand new field force this past summer, but that has worked out okay, too. So I’m truly glad I worked through my fear and made myself take those steps. In those cases, I might even do them again.
But this exam . . . it’s weird the way everything I’ve been studying for the past fifteen months or so seems to have flown right out of my head. But the one fact I can’t seem to shake is the ugly statistic that less than 40% of applicants pass the CP the first time around. Forty percent. That’s crazy. And, if you ask me, something to be scared about. But still, I sit here and I study, reading, highlighting, taking notes, trying to commit it all to memory. Because I know that I will overcome my fear of this exam and make myself take it. But, like so many things, I’m not sure I could make myself do it a second time, so I really need to make the first time count.