Something had to give. In truth, a lot of things had to give recently, but visiting here at the blog was the one I missed the most. It’s strange the way life just sneaks up on you sometimes, and you suddenly just find yourself just going with the flow—or raging current—with little to no control.
It started simply enough; I wasn’t feeling too swell one evening. By the next morning, I was really just feeling sort of “off”, and by end of shift, I was ready to make a stop at the walk-in clinic. They ended up sending me over to the ER, and by half-way through my visit to the hospital, I was feeling pretty miserable.
The really stupid part of the whole thing? Nothing too drastically wrong with me, just a pretty bad case of vertigo. (Not that I’m asking for a more serious diagnosis; don’t get me wrong about that!) Turns out vertigo is not particularly uncommon after a respiratory infection, which I’d dealt with a week or two before that. What is uncommon, though, at least for me, is not being able to stand for more than a few minutes, or move my head too quickly, even when sitting still, because doing so just about causes a blackout. It was totally stupid.
That was a Wednesday night, and I pretty much stayed in bed for the next four days, moving as little as possible. I think it was at least Saturday before I realized I hadn’t been posting to the blog. Oops. I blame it on the medication. But, Saturday—or maybe Sunday—when I realized I hadn’t been posting, then I made the conscious decision that I couldn’t do it. I was still feeling pretty cruddy, and I just couldn’t fathom the idea of sitting at a computer even long enough to tap out a short piece, much less actually think of something to tap out.
Monday I dragged myself back to work, but was far from recovered, so had to take a few hours to to drive back to town and see my own doctor to figure out why I wasn’t getting any better. (And, yeah, driving was undoubtedly a risky proposition at the time, but I managed it, thank God.)
The problem with being sick enough to miss work, of course, is that the work doesn’t care if you’re there today; it’ll just be waiting for you when you make it back. The first couple of days back, I had no choice but to take it sort of easy, though that just meant getting further and further behind on the work. By Wednesday, I was finally starting to feel a bit better, but that meant working crazy long hours to try to get caught up again—which still hasn’t happened yet, by the way.
But that’s the sort of thing that starts the George Jetson treadmill going. Then, the next thing you know, school is being neglected, the PTK weekend event that’s been planned for months is suddenly looming, seemingly unexpectedly, and, oh yeah, at the office, we’re suddenly preparing for trial next week. So, you get through the week as best you can, muddle through the weekend on a total of about 7 or 8 hours sleep, then drag yourself into the office to do it all again Monday morning.
As I said, something (besides sleep) had to give. So, part of the PTK event weekend was missed; an assignment got turned in a few hours late, and my office looks like a cyclone tore through. And, of course, I didn’t stop to write.
I’m not happy about any of those sacrifices, but I’m most discouraged by being away from the blog for two weeks. It was, as I mentioned, a conscious decision (once the meds wore off, you know), so I suppose there’s no one to blame by myself, but a careful analysis of the situation said there was just no way to make it happen. I think my choice was well-reasoned, and in the same circumstances, I imagine that’s how I ‘d handle it again, but I can’t deny that I felt a little emptiness inside. So, tonight, I made it home from the office just after ten, ate a quick chicken sandwich while watching the news (it’s amazing how quickly you can feel really out of touch these days), and now I’m here. I think the treadmill is still running, but maybe something else needs to give for a while.