In Search of Why

 

There’s something about death, especially tragic, unexpected death.  People always want to find, if not a reason, then some sort of lesson.  We don’t want to let someone go without feeling that they contributed one last thing to this world.

In the wake of Robin Williams’ death, you can see this played out over and over in social media.  Depression. Anxiety.  Addiction.  And now, I suppose, we will add Parkinson’s.  The cries are out there: Don’t let his death be in vain.  And perhaps an awareness of some of these diseases will come, and that will be a good thing.  Will it prevent his death from being in vain?  I don’t know.  If lives are saved because conversations have begun this week that will slowly illuminate the dark secrets of depression, will that somehow make his death meaningful?  I don’t know how you determine that it was acceptable for one person to die so that others may live. 

What I do know is that depression scares me.  I’ve seen those stories—some are saying that as many as 25% of people in the world could suffer from depression in some form or another.  That’s a lot of people.  Personally, I’ve had a couple of bouts of situational depression, and I can remember how absolutely terrifying those days were. I can’t imagine living with that sort of anguish day in and day out for my entire life.

But the real reason depression scares me is not some concern that I might be dragged back into an abyss at some point, but because one of the most important people in the world to me suffers from it, and refuses to get help.  I think maybe that’s why Williams’ death has hit me so hard, because it’s all too easy to extrapolate the horrific possibilities.  I mean, if this wildly talented, hugely successful man—someone who arguably “had it all”—could not overcome his demons and saw no solution but death, then what does that say about the chances of the average guy fighting this battle?  It seems bleak.

And I’ve seen the arguments back and forth about whether depression should really be blamed as the “cause” of suicide, with one side saying that it’s a dangerous argument to make, because it sends the message to the deeply depressed that they have no say in the matter, that one day they are just doomed to lose the ultimate battle to their disease.  And I can see the logic of that argument, and it just sends another twinge of fear down my spine.  But the truth is, I land in the opposite camp.  I do think depression is to blame.  That while Williams technically had a choice, the state of his mind on that final day was such that he believed the little voice that whispered about hopelessness.  In that moment, I don’t know if he believed there was no other choice, but he obviously believed there was no better choice, and it’s one of those situations where the very action proves that something was wrong in the deepest parts of his mind.  And if your mind is betraying you, are you really making a choice at all?

I don’t know the answers.  Like so many, I’m still reeling from losing this amazing talent in this most tragic of circumstances.  And it might be that it hits harder because we all knew about his long-time fight with his various demons, and as much as we admired him for his talent, we admired him even more for his honesty and resiliency. 

And of all the terrifying parts of depression, maybe that’s the most terrifying part of all: that regardless of your strength, sometimes the demons still win.

Weight Loss Wednesday, July 30

 

Wasn’t a very active week, as you can tell by the numbers.  My planking has gotten haphazard, and even on the nights I do it, I’m struggling to hold it for longer than 45 seconds.  Clearly two minutes will not happen by the end of this month, but perhaps by the end of August.

But I am still shrinking, though slowly.  .3 pound lost this past week and down a total of 3.4 inches.  I’ll take (or give, however you want to look at it) slow, as long as it keeps on keeping on, because that’s what I’m doing. 

Off to bed now so that I can break this nasty habit of sleeping the first few hours on my couch!

 

	STEPS	ACTIVITIES
Wednesday	4,791
Thursday	5,184
Friday	6,211
Saturday	10,495	30 minute treadmill
Sunday	8,768	36 minutes treadmill
Monday	5,988
Tuesday	5,786

But

Weed

 

Maybe we’re finally getting closer to having a national law allowing medical marijuana.  Thank goodness. 

Not that I’m a pothead or anything, you know, just that I think our society has a whole bunch more important things to focus on than prosecuting—and persecuting—folks self-medicating with a little weed.  And, honestly, I’d be okay with recreational legalization, too, because I just haven’t yet found anything that convinces me that marijuana is significantly worse than the country’s drug of choice, alcohol. 

But let’s take the recreational aspect out of it for a minute.  Seriously, what can be the harm of medicinal access?  Our pharmacies shell out far more dangerous substances every hour of every day under the banner of “medicine”, so surely there can’t really be that much of a health risk.  And gateway drugs and all?  Honestly, I’m not sure I entirely buy it.  But with legalization will also come more regulation, and undoubtedly more availability of help for anyone who finds themselves addicted to any drug, which means eventually, we might actually reduce the numbers of users.  Maybe.

But really, I think all you have to do is think about all the people who actually stand to benefit from this change.  Who are we—any of us—to tell the sick and/or dying that they aren’t allowed access to a treatment that could end their suffering?  Can we really be so wrapped up in the terrible things that might happen that we ignore the great things that we know will happen?  An end to even one person’s suffering has to be worth the risks in legalizing.  That’s what I’d think if it was my mom, or grandmother, or son who needed access to this treatment, and it’s still what I think if it’s your loved one. This is an easy choice; I’m hoping we’re ready to make the right one.

 

Weight Loss Wednesday, July 16

 

Another pound down this week, and a total of two inches all over.  Yay!

I spoke with my doctor, and the test results confirm I am definitely menopausal, though that certainly wasn’t a surprise.  Because of problems with blood clotting, typical hormone replacement is not an option for me.  Apparently the patch version has lesser risk, but still more of a risk than I’m willing to take.  Doc also offered the idea that sometimes antidepressants are used to help with symptoms in those who can’t take the HRT, but after giving it some thought and talking it over with Brian, that was another step I didn’t want to take, even though I really wanted to get rid of my symptoms.

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned it before, but for several months—like since around the first of the year—I’ve been taking a product called Plexus Slim.  I started taking it hoping it would help me lose weight as it seemed to have done for so many others, but it didn’t have that effect for me.  Other good results—better sleeping, more regularity—kept me drinking the Slim. 

Just about ten days ago, I added a probiotic and cleanse product from Plexus to the mix, and I’m attributing the recent weight (and inch) loss to that more than anything.    Not in a drastic, out of control way, but in a way that just seems to be slowly making me feel better and allowing some of my eating and fitness choices to start to be productive.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I will say that I recently became an ambassador for Plexus products, but primarily so that I could save a little money buying my own stuff, not because I want to share it with the world.  (Though maybe some day I will, so if you want to know more about the stuff, drop by my site!)  But, seriously, I don’t share these results in an effort to push something on anyone, only to say that this is the next step I’ve taken in my fitness journey, and it seems to be helping me out.  Getting myself into better shape really has been more difficult at this stage of life, and I’m glad to have found something that I can use as another tool toward my goals.

And, I’ve stayed on target with the Facebook group I’m in this month for steps and daily plank, so that has helped, too. (Except I haven’t done my plank yet for today, and I’m feeling strongly that I may have to do two tomorrow to make up for going to bed without getting it done tonight.)  The next thing I really need to tackle is finding a way to make it to the gym at least once during the week, but lately work has been a drain, and I just haven’t had the enthusiasm for it after I leave the office—particularly as the gym seems about a million degrees hotter in the afternoon than it does in the morning, and I’m having enough trouble regulating my body temperature lately without feeling like my workout is going to send me into some sort of heat stroke!

But, as always, this remains an ongoing journey, and I’ll just keep taking it one day at a time until I get to where I want to be.

	STEPS	ACTIVITIES
Wednesday	5,826	37 second plank
Thursday	5,711	40 second plank
Friday	6,513	41 second plank
Saturday	8,976	34 minutes treadmill, 45 second plank
Sunday	8,353	36 minutes treadmill, 20 second plank
Monday	5,477	50 second plank
Tuesday	8,395	60 second plank

And Now, a Word from the Germans

 

I’ve never been fond of the idea of a mid-life crisis; it seems a little pretentious, don’t you think?  Trying to hang on to a youth that’s passed you by, making yourself seem to be something you are not, mourning a loss of something that may never have really existed to begin with.  It just all seems a little over the top and unnecessary to me.  Not to mention that it sounds overwhelmingly terrifying.  I mean, it’s got the word crisis right in the name.

Having said all that, though, I have to confess that I feel I may be falling into one.  Or maybe not, I don’t know.  I do know that these menopause symptoms, coupled with other niggling health issues, are making me a little crazy.  I know that I feel a kind of constant melancholy that is not normal for me.  I feel that I should re-examine my career choices and wonder if I’m doing the thing that I’m meant to be doing.  I wonder if there is still time to repair the rather distant relationship that exists between my son and I.  I wonder if I’ve done enough good in my lifetime.  Really, I wonder an awful lot of things, and mostly my wonderings reach no definitive answer.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time lately perusing the pages of webmd, the Mayo clinic, and other medical sites reassuring myself that the things I’m feeling are normal, and I’m not really slipping into some sort of break from reality, but knowing that I’m not alone in these feelings hasn’t really been all that comforting.  And, knowing that these feelings are likely not permanent hasn’t been much of a relief, either, because it seems I’ve still got quite a ways to go before my symptoms are likely to diminish.

So why talk about it if there’s nothing much to do except muddle through?  I don’t know.  Maybe if I can still reason it out, that makes it seem like a bit less of a “crisis”.  Or maybe just as a way to let some of it out safely, because actually talking about all of it out loud to someone might make me sound even crazier than I feel.  Or maybe just because that’s what I do here—talk about things that are on my mind, and this is front and center today.

But I still don’t like the idea of a mid-life crisis.  I was watching a rerun of Big Bang Theory today, and Sheldon was talking about a German word for a feeling of depression that comes from comparing how life is to how you imagine it should be.  He called it “weltschmerz”, and I think that’s the root of most folks’ mid-life crisis: that life just hasn’t developed exactly as we thought that it would and we’re running out of time to change it. 

But, whether it is or isn’t the true underlying cause, at least it doesn’t sound quite as alarming as a mid-life crisis.  Yeah, no crisis for me if I can help it.  In fact, I believe I shall begin calling my situation “age-induced temporary weltschmerz”.   Thanks, Sheldon.

Wellness Wednesday, July 2

 

You can tell I’m out of practice with this blogging thing; I was actually on my way to bed when I remembered I hadn’t posted yet today.  So, the snoozing will have to wait for just a little bit longer.

Back when I was posting regularly, this day of the week was reserved for either Weight Loss or Wellness Wednesday, mostly depending on whether or not I felt like I was making the progress I needed to make.  But, the truth is, I’ve lost and found the same five or six pounds for months now, so I have to say that, no, I’m not really making a bunch of progress.

But I’ve got an overall health issue at the moment that is undoubtedly contributing to a whole bunch of things, including the tenacity with which those five pounds—and so many others—are hanging on.  And, I’ll apologize in advance if this falls into the category of TMI, but the truth is, I am a woman of a certain age, and it seems that this is the time for my body to “change”, as they say.

Like most women, I’ve heard stories, and this phase of life has not been something to look forward to.  Especially since I was old enough to remember my mother having a hysterectomy, which caused her—and the rest of us—some unpleasant days.

<Small foray: I’m so out of practice with this blogging thing, I just fell asleep here on the couch.  I must’ve been more tired than I realized. Let me try this again.>

So, anyway, while I may not have (yet?) been turned into a total crank-fest due to these changing hormones, I do struggle with other emotions, particularly finding that I am on the verge of tears often, and anxious pretty much all the time. 

And hot?  Oh my goodness.  For someone who’s spent most of her life being cold, this being hot thing is taking some getting used to.  I’ll admit, there have been some times when I sort of enjoyed it, like when I no longer have to bundle up just to sit in a theater for a couple of hours, but for the most part, it’s been incredibly annoying.  Plus, my electric bill has probably increased by about 25% just trying to keep myself comfortable!

But, the point of bringing this up here on Wellness Wednesday is not just to rattle off a list of menopausal symptoms (and this is really only a partial list!), but to say that while these changes have to be recognized and accepted as a natural part of aging for women, they don’t have to be the end of any sort of fitness quest.  The pounds may be a little more stubborn these days, but I’ve lost a few inches, and it’s nice to have a little extra breathing room in my jeans.  I still try to hit the gym three times a week, though I’ve mostly had to give up on wearing the rubberized clothing designed to generate additional heat during a workout, since nature has got that covered for me these days.  And I’m still trying to make better choices about calorie intake, along with making sure I get at least 100 ounces of water daily.  I’m convinced that these things are probably making this change of life less of a challenge than it might otherwise have been, and I think that’s a good thing.

Of course, as I would encourage anyone to do, I have visited with my doctor about any possible options for some relief from some of the symptoms that are truly impacting the quality of life, though other health concerns have limited those options for me.  I’ll be scouting around for other options that might exist to make myself feel better on a daily basis, and I’ll keep trying to do the things that I can do, too.  And for the other women out there dealing with this change, or dreading dealing with it in years to come, I’ll just say to hang in there.  I’ve still got a long ways to go before I come out the other side, but I know that I’ll get there, and if I can make it through, I’m pretty sure anyone can.  And as for losing the weight?  Don’t count me out yet!

 

Wellness Wednesday, May 7

 

Only made it to the gym once this week, but the vacation poundage has dropped back off.  Also, I’ve had at least 100 ounces of water each day this week, so that’s off to a good start.  I’m keeping on.

In other news, in the past couple of weeks—once while in Florida and once just last night—I’m pretty sure that I’ve experienced by first bouts of true night sweats.  I always get hot when I sleep (in contrast to pretty much always being cold when I’m awake), but these were not the same as that.  No, I think I have to accept the reality of the flippant remark that’s been coming out of my mouth for quite a while now: perimenopause.  I’m pretty sure that there are some upsides to actually going through “the change”, but my understanding is that those benefits are slow in coming around.  But, in terms of the matter at hand, it also seems to be a universal truth that the vast majority of the women dealing with either full-on menopause or the preliminary version also experience  at least a difficulty losing weight, if not actual weight gain.  I know I’ve said before that losing weight at 50 is significantly harder than it was even at 47-48, and I am not thrilled with the idea that all of physiology is combining to make it even harder.  But, as I say, I’m keeping on; I can’t just give up now, even if science is against me.

 

	STEPS	ACTIVITIES
Wednesday	6,832
Thursday	7,940
Friday	10,037
Saturday	1,355
Sunday	12,672	39 minutes treadmill; 2.59 miles
Monday	7,717
Tuesday	6,278

Wellness Wednesday, April 30

 

Vacation was good for getting a little bit more active, even if it was just some bursts of walking in between quite a bit of sitting.  It was not good for eating, however, and I’m lucky to be up only a pound.  After all, you can only eat so much ice cream without consequence. 

Now that I’ve returned to the real world, it’s back to a bunch of catching up and lots of sitting at a desk.  And, Brian is in the process of changing jobs, so there’s been lots of paperwork to look at each night when I’ve gotten home this week.  Maybe soon my time will be my own again.

I have started logging my water again, though.  Small things that helped the last time I successfully lost weight I’m going to start slowly re-incorporating into my habits, and this seemed like a good one to start with.  I always drink a fair amount of water, but the amount has been dwindling lately, so it’s time to get back on track with that, then move on to adding another good habit when I’ve gotten that one fully ingrained.

	STEPS	ACTIVITIES
Wednesday	13,367	32 min treadmill; 1.7 miles
Thursday	9,960
Friday	15,650
Saturday	12,971
Sunday	6,283
Monday	6,295
Tuesday	4,739

Wellness Wednesday, April 23

 

Honestly, my posts here are getting so erratic of late you almost have to wonder what is going on in that brain of mine.  But, I’m currently traveling and besides getting in to Orlando and settled into the hotel very late in the night, I also did not have internet access for a few hours until the hotel said it was officially today (somewhere around 5:00am in their system.  Go figure.)

But, now I’m back online and wanted to check in.  In terms of my oft-professed intention to get back to the gym, I didn’t make it this week, at least not until this morning.  Somewhat easy access to a gym is one of the best parts of travel, so I took a stroll on the treadmill this morning.  I had to take it pretty slow, but it still felt nice to get moving again.

There’s still no weight loss to report, but I do have faith that I’ll keep plugging along and get to where I want to be eventually.  Oh, and we did have a nice fresh salad today, along with a fresh fruit juice drink—I had watermelon/mint.  I have to say, I was not really hopeful, since I don’t usually like that sort of “good for you” stuff, but this stuff was pretty darn yummy.  Might have to figure out what the actual recipe is and make some myself.

Anyway, that’s about it, just a quick check in to say that I’m still alive and still trying to make a difference in me.

Welcome Back to Wellness Wednesday

 

Well, here we are again.  I know I’ve said it before, but I honestly have got to find the strength of will to rededicate myself to losing weight and getting healthier.

A few years back, when I found that sort of determination, it was all started because of a particularly bad photograph.  When I look back a few years from now (hopefully as a much smaller person), I will say it was a health scare that got me moving again.  Not a huge health scare, mind you, but one that has gotten me to thinking.

Of course, I’ve known for a long time that I’m healthier overall as a lighter person.  I mean, that’s not much of a secret, right?  But when I ended up in the hospital for a few days last week, getting subjected to the poking and prodding and scanning, it really sort of hit home.  You see, even after all the poking, prodding, and scanning, the experts still haven’t figured out a precise cause for the symptoms that sent me to the doctor in the first place, but all the things they thought it might have been (which have been ruled out after all the testing), and the inkling of an idea they have now that it still might be, all of those reasons are exacerbated by being overweight. 

Again, that’s hardly a surprise, since it seems you can’t open up a list of causes for any illness from a common headache to cancer without finding obesity among the culprits, but some seem to be more causally related than others.  But, whether the weight is a primary risk factor or one way down the list of possibilities, I’d just as soon try to eliminate the dangers all the way around.

Not that it will be easy.  In addition to age and metabolism fighting me (believe me when I say that the old adage about losing weight after 50 is true), that oft-referenced motivation has really been eluding me lately.  And, since being home from the hospital, I’ve really been taking it easy—not much physical activity and lots of sleep.  Honestly, it’s just after 11pm as I write this, and I haven’t seen anything close to this hour of night for over a week!  Going to bed earlier is probably a routine I should try to continue, but I feel like I lose out on some valuable hours that way.  Anyway, the point is, while my head knows that I need to be putting in some physical effort at weight loss, my body has not been cooperating.  If I’m feeling up to it, I’ll try to hit the gym this weekend for a low impact workout and start easing my way back into things.

But, whether it’s this weekend, or takes another week to get to feeling better, I know I’ve got to do it.  I may not be a youngster anymore, but I think I’m still too young to be worrying about my end of days.  There are still things I want to do, see, experience before I leave this earth behind, so I need to get my body in the shape to allow those things to happen.  It’s really not just about weight, and it’s not about vanity at all; it’s about being healthy enough to live my life and enjoy it.

The journey begins.

Overload

 

Something had to give.  In truth, a lot of things had to give recently, but visiting here at the blog was the one I missed the most.  It’s strange the way life just sneaks up on you sometimes, and you suddenly just find yourself just going with the flow—or raging current—with little to no control.

It started simply enough; I wasn’t feeling too swell one evening.  By the next morning, I was really just feeling sort of “off”, and by end of shift, I was ready to make a stop at the walk-in clinic.  They ended up sending me over to the ER, and by half-way through my visit to the hospital, I was feeling pretty miserable.

The really stupid part of the whole thing?  Nothing too drastically wrong with me, just a pretty bad case of vertigo. (Not that I’m asking for a more serious diagnosis; don’t get me wrong about that!)  Turns out vertigo is not particularly uncommon after a respiratory infection, which I’d dealt with a week or two before that.  What is uncommon, though, at least for me, is not being able to stand for more than a few minutes, or move my head too quickly, even when sitting still, because doing so just about causes a blackout.  It was totally stupid. 

That was a Wednesday night, and I pretty much stayed in bed for the next four days, moving as little as possible.  I think it was at least Saturday before I realized I hadn’t been posting to the blog.  Oops.  I blame it on the medication.  But, Saturday—or maybe Sunday—when I realized I hadn’t been posting, then I made the conscious decision that I couldn’t do it.  I was still feeling pretty cruddy, and I just couldn’t fathom the idea of sitting at a computer even long enough to tap out a short piece, much less actually think of something to tap out.

Monday I dragged myself back to work, but was far from recovered, so had to take a few hours to to drive back to town and see my own doctor to figure out why I wasn’t getting any better.  (And, yeah, driving was undoubtedly a risky proposition at the time, but I managed it, thank God.)

The problem with being sick enough to miss work, of course, is that the work doesn’t care if you’re there today; it’ll just be waiting for you when you make it back.  The first couple of days back, I had no choice but to take it sort of easy, though that just meant getting further and further behind on the work.  By Wednesday, I was finally starting to feel a bit better, but that meant working crazy long hours to try to get caught up again—which still hasn’t happened yet, by the way.

But that’s the sort of thing that starts the George Jetson treadmill going.  Then, the next thing you know, school is being neglected, the PTK weekend event that’s been planned for months is suddenly looming, seemingly unexpectedly, and, oh yeah, at the office, we’re suddenly preparing for trial next week.  So, you get through the week as best you can, muddle through the weekend on a total of about 7 or 8 hours sleep, then drag yourself into the office to do it all again Monday morning. 

As I said, something (besides sleep) had to give.  So, part of the PTK event weekend was missed; an assignment got turned in a few hours late, and my office looks like a cyclone tore through.  And, of course, I didn’t stop to write. 

I’m not happy about any of those sacrifices, but I’m most discouraged by being away from the blog for two weeks.  It was, as I mentioned, a conscious decision (once the meds wore off, you know), so I suppose there’s no one to blame by myself, but a careful analysis of the situation said there was just no way to make it happen.  I think my choice was well-reasoned, and in the same circumstances, I imagine that’s how I ‘d handle it again, but I can’t deny that I felt a little emptiness inside.  So, tonight, I made it home from the office just after ten, ate a quick chicken sandwich while watching the news (it’s amazing how quickly you can feel really out of touch these days), and now I’m here.  I think the treadmill is still running, but maybe something else needs to give for a while.

Feel Good Friday, February 14

 

Three-day weekend, baby!  Need I say more?

Valentine’s Day was a simple affair of after-work dinner and long conversation at Chili’s; it was nice.  And, this weekend, we’ll see Winter’s Tale in the fancy-schmancy seats at our favorite theater, though we had to wait until 9:00 Sunday to find a showing that still had any seats.

And, I’m actually feeling much better on this Feel Good Friday.  Still not 100%, but it’s an amazing difference even since yesterday.  Yay.

And that’s it.  Enjoy your weekend, and your extra day, if you get it.

 

Weight Loss Wednesday, February 12

 

Well, I’m only down half a pound since last week, which, if you’re keeping track, means only six pounds total.  I’d be depressed about that, but the truth is, since I’ve been sick since Saturday and not sticking to my food plan, I’m glad to still be down.  It’s a bad thing when you’re feeling achy and miserable and have a really sore throat so that the only thing that really sounds good to eat is a chocolate chip milkshake.  Not that that’s all I’ve eaten, mind you; I’ve tried to work in some fruits, veggies, and protein along the way, too.  But I have included a milkshake into my meal every day this week.  Not a great recipe for success, but a spectacular recipe for dealing with the crud.  I figure I’ll be ready to get back on the food wagon again just about the time the weekend rolls around and it’s my cheat days.  I’ll have to be a little more conservative this time around.

Also, I have worked out in my head when I’m going to get back to working out:  Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday.  Now, the bad part of that, of course, is that there will be no working out for me tomorrow, of that I’m quite certain.  Yesterday I slept until about 3:00pm, and today I could barely drag myself to work still.  I’m definitely on the mend, but just as definitely not mended yet.  Maybe by Saturday, though I can barely breathe enough to walk from one end of our office to another, so I’m not entirely counting on it.  But, if not Saturday, next Tuesday, for sure.  I’m hoping I’ll actually go to the gym each of those days, but, if not, I’ll break out the Leslie Sansone or something, but I’ve got to get committed to getting some activity in.  (By the way, Tanya, are you reading this?  Want to go with me to the gym on Tues/Thurs/Sat?)

Anyway, let’s take a look at the ridiculously low steps for this week, and then I’m going back to my favorite place lately, my nice warm bed.

Steps	Activities
Wednesday	7,246
Thursday	3,757
Friday	4,549
Saturday	3,851
Sunday	1,267
Monday	4,084
Tuesday	1,042

Monday Malady

 

We’ve discussed my feelings about Mondays before.  And, try as I might to put a positive spin on them and consciously force myself to believe that they’re just another day, they still seem to wear me down.  Actually, though, for an office Monday, today wasn’t too bad.  Just normal work and keeping busy all day long, which is really my preference.

No, that bad part about today is that this crud I’ve been fighting finally reared its ugly head yesterday, then really kicked it into high gear today.  I went through just about an entire box of Kleenex, and only have a clown nose to show for it.  Can’t breathe, and can’t stop my head from feeling like it’s going to explode.  After being stuck in traffic for over forty-five minutes on my way home and then feeling more exhausted than seemed normal, I decided I should go ahead and stop by the after-hours clinic.

The good news is there’s no flu or strep; the bad news is it’s a random upper respiratory infection—thus the extreme difficulty breathing.  Doc said I’d be doing folks a favor to stay away from them tomorrow and give the antibiotics a chance to render me harmless, so the best thing to come out of today is that I’ve already notified the office I won’t be in tomorrow.  A sick day isn’t exactly a ton of fun, but I’m here to tell you that right about now, staying in bed for at least twelve or fifteen hours straight sounds like just what the doctor ordered.

I think I’ll go start working on getting that particular prescription filled right now, and go ahead and put this Monday to bed.

Six Word Sick Day

 

 

Class, lunch with family, now bed.

Weight Loss Wednesday, January 1

 

I’m sitting her now looking at my exercise clothes.  They’re sitting just next to me on the bed, because I was intending to spend a bit of time at the gym.  Instead, I’ve been hit pretty hard by tonight’s dinner, and I’m not feeling real comfortable with the idea of being too far away from necessary facilities.  So now, my clothes just mock me.

Still, though it’s been a fairly inactive week, I still managed to lose about 1.5 pounds, so I’ll take that any day of the week. 

And, of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the significance of today, and the resolution I have made to myself.  Not surprisingly, it’s the same one I’ve made countless times before (and only managed to actually stick to once), but I’m trying it again.  Anyway, for 2014, I am resolving to be more healthy.  Naturally, for me, that will take the shape of losing some weight, but even beyond that, I just want to make sure that I’m more physically active than I’ve been lately, and that I eat sleep better than I’ve been doing.  By being consistent with those things, I will, of course, lose weight, but it’s really all about being healthier and just feeling better. 

So I’m not declaring a weight loss goal for the year (though I do have one overall: I’d like to lose approximately 70 pounds), I’m just declaring that I will make myself feel better this year.  The weight I lose in the process is going to be the icing on the cake.  Or the crouton on the salad.  You get the point.

What about you—any resolutions you’re pursing this year?

	Steps	Activities
Wednesday	6,011
Thursday	11,948	35 mins treadmill; 2.52 miles
Friday	5,683
Saturday	10,954	51 mins treadmill; 3.75 miles
Sunday	5,625	30 mins treadmill; 1.6 miles
Monday	8,674
Tuesday	4,745

A Rocky Start

 

So, you know that thing where you wake up feeling like crap all over, and you know you can’t drag yourself to work because you’ve got a bit of a fever and you can’t stray too far from a bathroom for too long?  But you argue with yourself, because you’d hate for anyone at the office to think you just had a rough weekend and are making excuses.  (Do people think that about 50 year old women?  I don’t know, but I know I hate calling in at all, but especially on a Monday.)

And after all that debate, you finally just accept that you’ve got to stay home, so then how you sleep on and off all day, just wanting to shake whatever bug is making its home inside you? 

And, then, how nighttime rolls around, and you don’t really feel good, but you don’t really feel tired because you slept so much during the day?  Are you with me so far?

Well, after all that, add in the fact that you’ve not only got a lot of work to do the next day, but a final exam the next evening, and I’ll be glad to tell you that it pretty much sucks. 

However, I did see a random Facebook post today that reminded me of a gift idea I’d had for someone earlier and then totally forgotten I wanted to get them, so that’s good—assuming I remember it long enough to actually buy it. 

Either way, color me not thrilled with this week so far.

 

Weight Loss Wednesday, October 23

 

First, as if I didn’t talk enough about White Collar yesterday, I’ll just mention that today the show posted on their Facebook page that it’s the fourth anniversary.  How could I lose track of such a momentous date?    Anyway, happy anniversary to my favorite show for four years running, and here’s hoping the next four are equally fun.

But, other than that, it’s time to take a look at this past week’s depressing activity numbers.  On the upside, I did lose almost a pound while being sick this week.  Always a positive spin, eh?  Can you tell, though, that I did spend almost all day Friday and then again Sunday in bed?  Technically, on Sunday I think I spent most of it dozing in the recliner, but Friday?  Almost six o’clock before I dragged my butt out of bed, and I was back in again about time for the nightly news.  Glad to have lost a few ounces, but even more glad to be finally starting to feel decent again. 

	Steps	Activities
Wednesday	9,404
Thursday	4,149
Friday	1,046
Saturday	4,632
Sunday	1,161
Monday	5,287
Tuesday	7,357

Blech

 

You know that feeling, the one where your head is sort of thick, and your throat sort of scratchy and mucusy all at the same time?  Oh, and your stomach is just on the edge of queasy, your nose is almost runny, and your eyes hurt?  Yeah, that feeling. 

It’s a feeling that’s been going around our office lately, and I was hopeful I would escape it.  I sit here tonight thinking my luck may have run out. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                   Image courtesy of marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A Pain in the Neck—and the Back

 

Seriously, here’s yet another problem with being doped up on pain pills and muscle relaxants every night: apparently you don’t notice when the blog post doesn’t actually post when you hit the button.  I suppose, in fairness, I’ve done that before, even without the drugs, but it usually hasn’t been almost twenty-four hours later before I noticed.

So, I’m thinking about making an appointment with a chiropractor. 

I’ve been taking an assortment of pills for the past two weeks, but my back still hurts.  Every day it feels a little better in the morning (after a night of being practically comatose from drugs), but every night, by the time it’s time to pop those pills and fall into bed, it’s hurting pretty badly again.  I can’t imagine that’s normal.

So, I’ve been reading around looking for reasons, but that hasn’t been particularly helpful (if no one’s ever told you, the Internet is really not the place for those given to hypochondria; it’ll turn your headache into a brain tumor in a matter of seconds).  But, one thing that keeps popping up, and something that some people I actually know concur with, is sciatica. 

Well, let me say first that I sort of always thought that was just something that plagued old people from the old neighborhood.  I mean, is there anything more stereotypical?  But, as I keep realizing over and over again, I really am getting older every day.

At any rate, back to the chiropractor.  With the symptoms I have, some sort of manipulation—stretching, exercise, chiropractic—seems to be one of the primary means of relief.  So that’s what I’m considering.  But I have to admit, chiropractors sort of get a bad rap.  “Not real doctors”, “quacks”—I’m sure you’ve heard it.  I’ve never been, so I can’t judge, and I know just about equal numbers of people on both sides of the argument.  But, I have to wonder if the “real” doctors aren’t just about equally quackish, when they think it’s reasonable to ask someone to stay doped up just to be pain free.  My meds say to take every 4-6 hours as needed for pain, even though it takes a good eight or nine hours for me to feel normal again after I take them.  Though, in truth, if it weren’t for that pesky job and the inconvenient classes, I probably would take the meds all day long and just stay asleep.  Constant medication would seem reasonable if I didn’t have to function.  Or, if I was one of those people who is not quite so susceptible, and could function while on the medication, even if in a slightly impaired fashion.  Yeah, that doesn’t strike me as a slam-dunk decision that the “real” doctors have all that much of an advantage.  So maybe it really is time to try out a different sort of quack. 

What about you?  Have you had any experience with chiropractors?  Good or bad?