Emmy’s Changing Face

 

As you might imagine from someone who has a weekly blog spot called Tube Day Tuesday, the Emmy Awards program is pretty much standard viewing around here.  But as I grow older, I find that I do not enjoy the show nearly as much as I did in the past.  I think maybe I’m just not keeping up with the changing ways of television.

Year after year, I find that network television is being pushed more and more to the side while the latest and greatest from cable takes home all the awards.  Heck, these days, most network shows don’t even get nominated.  It’s sort of sad to me. 

Not that cable shows aren’t great. (Though, honestly, most of the big winners this year I haven’t even seen.)  But, I do think there’s a certain conceit to the choices, where people think it’s just not trendy enough these days to admit they enjoy network television.

But, for this year, it’s all in the history books now, so I guess that sometime between now and next year I’ll either have to start watching the edgy fan favorites on cable, or resign myself to growing more and more distant from the awards I grew up loving.

On a completely different note, I’m not ashamed to say I cried like a baby when Billy Crystal did his tribute to Robin Williams.  If I still can’t believe Williams is gone, I can’t even imagine how his closest friends are coping.  But Crystal held up well, and delivered a beautiful, thoughtful, real tribute to his friend. If you missed it, you really ought to watch it now.  But make sure you’ve got some tissues handy.

When it’s Time to Change

 

Having suffered through several years of hanging on to a job once the joy and satisfaction had gone, I know what it feels like when it’s time to start considering a change.  And I know that it begins with the small feelings of dread that settle into the pit of your stomach on Sunday evenings.  The part that’s not as clear is how to balance out the fact that there are still good parts to a bad situation, and how to know precisely when it’s time to stop considering a change and start making a change.  And, of course, history is not in my favor, since I stuck it out too long last time, leading to a really bad ending.  Only time will tell if I have learned anything from my past mistakes. 

Feel Good Friday, August 8

 

I am convinced that eventually people will come to recognize that we’re all more alike than different, and that everyone should be judged individually on their actions not on which segment of society they fit in to.  But though I firmly believe this will come to pass, I often despair that it will happen so slowly that I will not get to witness even the earliest waves of enlightenment.

Because of this, I love to read a story about a place called Latta, South Carolina, a tiny little town full of old fashioned conservative values in a state that seems to have little respect for the rights of its gay citizens.  But that’s not what makes it a good story.  No, what makes it a good story is that even with all their “traditional values”, Latta was still able to come together and fight for a member of their community when their police chief was fired for having the audacity to be gay.

Now, we all know that people’s belief systems don’t do a complete 180 overnight, so I think we can safely assume that there are a lot of folks in Latta who still believe that romantic couples ought to be made up of a man and a woman, so their show of solidarity in standing up for the police chief because of who she is rather than any group she belongs to  is outstanding.

It’s those sorts of actions that will ultimately lead to that happy future I was talking about it earlier, and I think that definitely qualifies for Feel Good Friday.  Congratulations, Latta, on finding a way to get your chief back.

If you’d like to read more details about a town doing the right thing, you can find the story here.

1921

 

I might’ve mentioned that Brian and I decided to put ourselves on a five year retirement plan.  That sounds like it’s sort of right around the corner—maybe even worryingly so.  But then I decided to put that date into a countdown generator, and discovered that it’s 1921 days away.   Sounds like a long time away when you look at it like that, but maybe that will give us enough time to actually have things under control.

Not that I’ve ever been much on living within a budget, and that’s the real worry, because we don’t just have to get to retirement—which includes paying off the house as the major stumbling block—but we also have to survive in retirement, without salaries.  Frankly, the idea is a little bit terrifying. 

But, we’re committed to the plan.  We have the memory of two sets of parents always in the back of our minds—mine, who both died far too young and never had a chance to retire, and his, who retired (and retired in pretty good financial shape) but then still always worried about money rather than simply enjoying their remaining years.  We don’t want to go down either path.  And while we obviously can’t control the date of our passing, we can try to plan so that we can quit working before we are too old, and we can also try to plan so that we have the wherewithal to live the way we want once we leave the 9-5 life behind.

So, without completely abandoning a style of life currently, we are now in the mode of actively planning for a lifestyle in the future.  But, one of the other things that entails is that some of the larger household expenditures we’ve been putting off need to be contemplated while there still is an income.  It’s counter-intuitive, to think that while we’re trying to maximize the old nest egg we might also have to be spending a few larger chunks of cash, but it’s all a balancing act at this point.

So, maybe there’ll be some minor household changes to talk about on these pages over the coming months, or maybe what I’ll be talking about is the re-evaluation of what sort of improvements actually need to be made, or maybe I’ll just be stressing out loud about trying to plan for a major step in our lives, because the truth is, 1921 days really isn’t that long at all.

Choosing a Path

 

I know I mentioned a week or so ago that I’ve become an independent ambassador for Plexus products, and that I did that so that I could save some money on my monthly product purchase.  I really had no intention of trying to sell the product, for a variety of reasons.  But in the past few days, I find myself wondering if maybe that’s the wrong decision.

Like a good many people, I have an inherent skepticism when it comes to any sort of network marketing plan, even when I personally believe in the product.  But, I’ve seen so many people—people I actually know, not random strangers—who have benefitted both physically and financially from Plexus, and I find myself wondering if I should just take a deep breath and jump in.

On the other hand, MLM concerns aside, I also know that I’ve been dissatisfied at work lately, and have been hoping and praying for an alternative.  Sure, this could be an answer to a prayer, or it could just be me desperately grasping at straws.  I have never been a fan of running away from something rather than running to something; it just seems to me that is simply asking for trouble.   Of course, I wouldn’t be looking to just up and abandon an actual paycheck to chase potential income, but if I could generate a little extra cash every month, I think that might take a lot of stress out of the actual job situation, if I didn’t feel like leaving was absolutely out of the question. 

It’s just a lot to consider, especially when we’re seriously looking at a five year retirement plan, so this is not a spectacular time to be making a lot of changes in our financial situation.  So I know it won’t be a decision to be entered into easily, whether I pursue the opportunity or leave it behind.  I only hope that I won’t regret whichever choice I make.

Feel Good Friday, July 25

 

At the end of a very long and stressful week, I know I need just a minute of feel good.  If you do, too, take a minute to watch this video.

Not only do I love the message, but I especially love that it’s trying to get kids to spread the message.  I’ve reached the point in my life that I’ve begun to believe that it may be too late for many of the “adult” generation to learn the simple truth that we are all—every single creature on this planet—dependent upon each other for survival, and we should be coming together to find ways to share this world and celebrate the differences that make the world exciting.  Instead, we focus on those differences as a bad thing, and we’re slowly tearing our world apart, through both hatred and a scramble to be the first to claim and control some of the limited natural resources we have  at our disposal. 

And if it’s too late for the adults to recognize these things and try to do something positive in the world, then I worry about who’s going to teach the next generation how wrong this approach is, and I despair that we’ll find ourselves on a never-ending downward path.   So, when there’s an initiative that wants to use children to share a positive message about the inter-connectedness of the planet, I’m all for it. 

By the way, if you want to get your own young people—whether they’re your kids, students, church group, whatever—drop by the We Are All Connected site, and learn how to make your own video.  Who knows, maybe even some of the not-so-young people will prove that it’s not too late, and want to get involved, too.  Let’s follow the lead of the kids.

Old Woman in the Making

 

Oops. I hate when I open up my computer and find last night’s post never published.  I’d say the change in me is that I’m getting old and forgetful, but I’m pretty sure I’ve been forgetful for longer than I’ve been old!  Oh, well, better late than never, right?

I visited the imagination prompt again today, and it suggested I write about how I’ve changed recently, so I’m giving that some thought.

First, as I’ve discussed, I’ve got some physiological changes going on that have also reached out to create some changes mentally and emotionally, but I’m not sure that’s what the prompt was talking about.  And, I’m hoping those changes are temporary!

And, while I think I’ve gained some wisdom and compassion over the years, I like to believe that’s mostly been an increase in characteristics I already possessed. 

But one thing I do notice has changed as I’ve gotten older—and not for the better—is my patience level.  I find that with each passing year, I become more easily aggravated with any number of things.  So far, my behavior hasn’t changed much in relation to my increased aggravation/impatience, so I find that that I’m a little more stressed from having that increased aggravation inside, which is kind of a bummer. 

Anyway, I know that I don’t want to become some sort of cranky old woman as the years go by, so I guess I’m going to have to really start paying attention to this now, and trying to figure out how to regain some of my earlier abilities to simply let things slide.

Grown Up

 

You know, you’d think, that after living half a century, I’d feel more grown up and ready to take on the world.  But today, my husband (who’s older still) and I were discussing the challenges of changing jobs—leaving behind the comfort zone of a place where you know exactly how things work, trying to figure out the interpersonal relationship puzzle in a new office, etc.  It’s the sort of situation that makes a person feel completely out of control.  Not very “grown up” at all.

Another case in point: as we really start to focus on a retirement plan that gets us out of the rat race in another five years, I realize that I’m woefully lacking in a solid understanding of financial matters.  When you work and pay bills for a few decades, it’s easy to think you understand money, but the truth is, I am easily overwhelmed by stocks, bonds, 401K plans, insurance, and all the other tools that go into managing a life-long portfolio.

And, retirement in general is just a little bit terrifying—even with planning, how do you know it’s really the right time to give up steady employment that’s sustained you for your entire life?  Honestly, I don’t know, but here’s hoping that I grow up quickly enough to figure it out. 

 

And Now, a Word from the Germans

 

I’ve never been fond of the idea of a mid-life crisis; it seems a little pretentious, don’t you think?  Trying to hang on to a youth that’s passed you by, making yourself seem to be something you are not, mourning a loss of something that may never have really existed to begin with.  It just all seems a little over the top and unnecessary to me.  Not to mention that it sounds overwhelmingly terrifying.  I mean, it’s got the word crisis right in the name.

Having said all that, though, I have to confess that I feel I may be falling into one.  Or maybe not, I don’t know.  I do know that these menopause symptoms, coupled with other niggling health issues, are making me a little crazy.  I know that I feel a kind of constant melancholy that is not normal for me.  I feel that I should re-examine my career choices and wonder if I’m doing the thing that I’m meant to be doing.  I wonder if there is still time to repair the rather distant relationship that exists between my son and I.  I wonder if I’ve done enough good in my lifetime.  Really, I wonder an awful lot of things, and mostly my wonderings reach no definitive answer.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time lately perusing the pages of webmd, the Mayo clinic, and other medical sites reassuring myself that the things I’m feeling are normal, and I’m not really slipping into some sort of break from reality, but knowing that I’m not alone in these feelings hasn’t really been all that comforting.  And, knowing that these feelings are likely not permanent hasn’t been much of a relief, either, because it seems I’ve still got quite a ways to go before my symptoms are likely to diminish.

So why talk about it if there’s nothing much to do except muddle through?  I don’t know.  Maybe if I can still reason it out, that makes it seem like a bit less of a “crisis”.  Or maybe just as a way to let some of it out safely, because actually talking about all of it out loud to someone might make me sound even crazier than I feel.  Or maybe just because that’s what I do here—talk about things that are on my mind, and this is front and center today.

But I still don’t like the idea of a mid-life crisis.  I was watching a rerun of Big Bang Theory today, and Sheldon was talking about a German word for a feeling of depression that comes from comparing how life is to how you imagine it should be.  He called it “weltschmerz”, and I think that’s the root of most folks’ mid-life crisis: that life just hasn’t developed exactly as we thought that it would and we’re running out of time to change it. 

But, whether it is or isn’t the true underlying cause, at least it doesn’t sound quite as alarming as a mid-life crisis.  Yeah, no crisis for me if I can help it.  In fact, I believe I shall begin calling my situation “age-induced temporary weltschmerz”.   Thanks, Sheldon.

Wellness Wednesday, July 2

 

You can tell I’m out of practice with this blogging thing; I was actually on my way to bed when I remembered I hadn’t posted yet today.  So, the snoozing will have to wait for just a little bit longer.

Back when I was posting regularly, this day of the week was reserved for either Weight Loss or Wellness Wednesday, mostly depending on whether or not I felt like I was making the progress I needed to make.  But, the truth is, I’ve lost and found the same five or six pounds for months now, so I have to say that, no, I’m not really making a bunch of progress.

But I’ve got an overall health issue at the moment that is undoubtedly contributing to a whole bunch of things, including the tenacity with which those five pounds—and so many others—are hanging on.  And, I’ll apologize in advance if this falls into the category of TMI, but the truth is, I am a woman of a certain age, and it seems that this is the time for my body to “change”, as they say.

Like most women, I’ve heard stories, and this phase of life has not been something to look forward to.  Especially since I was old enough to remember my mother having a hysterectomy, which caused her—and the rest of us—some unpleasant days.

<Small foray: I’m so out of practice with this blogging thing, I just fell asleep here on the couch.  I must’ve been more tired than I realized. Let me try this again.>

So, anyway, while I may not have (yet?) been turned into a total crank-fest due to these changing hormones, I do struggle with other emotions, particularly finding that I am on the verge of tears often, and anxious pretty much all the time. 

And hot?  Oh my goodness.  For someone who’s spent most of her life being cold, this being hot thing is taking some getting used to.  I’ll admit, there have been some times when I sort of enjoyed it, like when I no longer have to bundle up just to sit in a theater for a couple of hours, but for the most part, it’s been incredibly annoying.  Plus, my electric bill has probably increased by about 25% just trying to keep myself comfortable!

But, the point of bringing this up here on Wellness Wednesday is not just to rattle off a list of menopausal symptoms (and this is really only a partial list!), but to say that while these changes have to be recognized and accepted as a natural part of aging for women, they don’t have to be the end of any sort of fitness quest.  The pounds may be a little more stubborn these days, but I’ve lost a few inches, and it’s nice to have a little extra breathing room in my jeans.  I still try to hit the gym three times a week, though I’ve mostly had to give up on wearing the rubberized clothing designed to generate additional heat during a workout, since nature has got that covered for me these days.  And I’m still trying to make better choices about calorie intake, along with making sure I get at least 100 ounces of water daily.  I’m convinced that these things are probably making this change of life less of a challenge than it might otherwise have been, and I think that’s a good thing.

Of course, as I would encourage anyone to do, I have visited with my doctor about any possible options for some relief from some of the symptoms that are truly impacting the quality of life, though other health concerns have limited those options for me.  I’ll be scouting around for other options that might exist to make myself feel better on a daily basis, and I’ll keep trying to do the things that I can do, too.  And for the other women out there dealing with this change, or dreading dealing with it in years to come, I’ll just say to hang in there.  I’ve still got a long ways to go before I come out the other side, but I know that I’ll get there, and if I can make it through, I’m pretty sure anyone can.  And as for losing the weight?  Don’t count me out yet!

 

TBT

 

Once a week social media gets inundated with postings tagged with #tbt.  It’s Throwback Thursday, where people take a stroll down a photographic memory lane.  I have yet to dig out any of my own pictures from back in the day, but I like to see the ones my friends post; they make me smile.

I still didn’t find any pictures this week, but the hashtag did get my memory to wandering, probably heightened by an upcoming holiday family gathering.  And mostly what my memories tell me is that I really miss the good ol’ days.  My son will almost certainly skip the gathering, as he has grown distant from the family.  And, of course, my granny won’t be there, and I find that’s hitting me a little bit harder than I would’ve expected. 

It occurs to me today that the union of my personal Venn diagram of perfect holidays—those that I can spend with my mother, grandmother, sister, and son—is very small, and it’s never going to get any bigger. It also occurs to me that a couple of weeks of just not feeling well has  put me in a fairly melancholy mood, and this sadness that I feel is exaggerated.  But that doesn’t change the fact that I am sad, and I really do miss the times that seemed simpler, happier.  And while a silly little hashtag topic is probably not intended to bring about such gloominess, I think there’s little doubt that a yearning for simpler times is what brought about the theme to begin with, and keeps person after person posting photos from decades ago.  Which, of course, leads to the inevitable question:  will these days ever be considered the good ol’ days for some future generation.  It seems almost impossible, but the photos we take this weekend may someday be our children’s #tbt.

Welcome Back to Wellness Wednesday

 

Well, here we are again.  I know I’ve said it before, but I honestly have got to find the strength of will to rededicate myself to losing weight and getting healthier.

A few years back, when I found that sort of determination, it was all started because of a particularly bad photograph.  When I look back a few years from now (hopefully as a much smaller person), I will say it was a health scare that got me moving again.  Not a huge health scare, mind you, but one that has gotten me to thinking.

Of course, I’ve known for a long time that I’m healthier overall as a lighter person.  I mean, that’s not much of a secret, right?  But when I ended up in the hospital for a few days last week, getting subjected to the poking and prodding and scanning, it really sort of hit home.  You see, even after all the poking, prodding, and scanning, the experts still haven’t figured out a precise cause for the symptoms that sent me to the doctor in the first place, but all the things they thought it might have been (which have been ruled out after all the testing), and the inkling of an idea they have now that it still might be, all of those reasons are exacerbated by being overweight. 

Again, that’s hardly a surprise, since it seems you can’t open up a list of causes for any illness from a common headache to cancer without finding obesity among the culprits, but some seem to be more causally related than others.  But, whether the weight is a primary risk factor or one way down the list of possibilities, I’d just as soon try to eliminate the dangers all the way around.

Not that it will be easy.  In addition to age and metabolism fighting me (believe me when I say that the old adage about losing weight after 50 is true), that oft-referenced motivation has really been eluding me lately.  And, since being home from the hospital, I’ve really been taking it easy—not much physical activity and lots of sleep.  Honestly, it’s just after 11pm as I write this, and I haven’t seen anything close to this hour of night for over a week!  Going to bed earlier is probably a routine I should try to continue, but I feel like I lose out on some valuable hours that way.  Anyway, the point is, while my head knows that I need to be putting in some physical effort at weight loss, my body has not been cooperating.  If I’m feeling up to it, I’ll try to hit the gym this weekend for a low impact workout and start easing my way back into things.

But, whether it’s this weekend, or takes another week to get to feeling better, I know I’ve got to do it.  I may not be a youngster anymore, but I think I’m still too young to be worrying about my end of days.  There are still things I want to do, see, experience before I leave this earth behind, so I need to get my body in the shape to allow those things to happen.  It’s really not just about weight, and it’s not about vanity at all; it’s about being healthy enough to live my life and enjoy it.

The journey begins.

Six Word Style Quest

 

Not sure about my new haircut. 

Snapshot Sunday (Sort Of), March 30

 

 

 

  So, a cheat for a snapshot, but this is what’s on my mind this weekend.  It could be a time of big changes in the household, and it’s all revolving around the suit.  You see, Brian has a job interview tomorrow—his first “real” interview in almost twenty-nine years.  That’s how long he’s been working at the local AFB, and though he’s changed positions there a few times—and had some interviews to go with those new positions—he’s now seriously considering leaving the security of federal employment and venturing back into the private sector.

And, yeah, even having lived through a few furloughs during his tenure, there’s still no denying that working for the fed is much more stable than working out in the real world.  But, stability often comes at a price, and in this situation, the price is working at a job that is simply no longer satisfying.

Anyway, that’s where the suit comes in.  Brian’s not really a suit guy, and has managed through his lifetime owning pretty much just one of them.  As you might imagine, it’s not exactly in-style these days, so we went shopping last week for a nice, basic suit.  We found a decent one for a reasonable price, and the tailoring was finished today, just in time for the big day tomorrow.

Needless to say, he’s a little bit nervous.  He’s feeling out of his element in a whole lot of ways, and I think having to put on a suit and tie is somehow serving as a tangible reminder that he’s stepping far outside his comfort zone.  Of course, it’s really a job he’s perfect for, but we all know people don’t always get the jobs they’re perfect for.  He’s had plenty of experience with that working for Uncle Sam.  Personally, I think glaring oversights happen less frequently in the private sector, so I have a pretty good feeling about the job, but he’s not really interested in a bunch of platitudes, so my current unease mostly has to do with not really knowing how to help calm his. 

And, after the interview will come the waiting, so the sense of unease will continue for a while, but sometimes you just have to make yourself do things that aren’t comfortable, if that’s what it takes to help move into a situation that makes you happy.  Even if it means wearing a suit.

Where There’s No Will, There’s No Way

 

I had it all worked out: I was going to go on a pretty well thought out rant about the most recent episode of The Good Wife, talking all about how a show that I have loved for the past four+ years has just likely sealed its fate for me and ensured that this season five will be the last I tune in, even though just a couple of weeks ago I was thrilled to hear it had been renewed for season six.

Instead, I had to come home and do a whole bunch of homework that I’d been neglecting, and now I really need to go to bed, since I will have to be up in about six and a half hours.  So, here’s the shortened version of that rant:  (And, be forewarned, there’s a major spoiler ahead.)

As I mentioned, I’ve been watching The Good Wife for several years, since it premiered, in fact.  And I love it.  Even though this season has caused me some angst, and though the last couple of episodes I’ve had to view sporadically, and I’ve sort of been annoyed with the direction it was heading.  And, truth be told, I’ve sort of been annoyed by Will Gardner, the male lead of the show, and a verifiable cutie pie.

Even this week, I was pre-occupied with something while the show was on—more homework I think.  Whatever it was, I was only keeping half an eye on the show.  But when the shots rang out in the courtroom, it got my full attention.  And when Kalinda and Diane both started desperately trying to get to Will’s courtroom, I got a pit in my stomach.  I knew then, or at least had an inkling.  And when they showed that lone shoe lying in the floor, then moved to the still, shoeless foot, I declared out loud, “If they kill Will, I’m going to quit watching.”  And then, when they showed Will, on the floor, shot, bleeding, barely alive, I knew I was losing a friend.  It was a surprise—a shock—but in those few moments leading up to the terrible reality, I already knew.

So, by the time Diane and Kalinda finally found his lifeless body back in a curtained room of the E.R., I was already numb.  Much as the characters were. 

And now, I am torn between being amazed by the way this huge turn of events was kept secret to provide that oh-so-rare moment of true surprise (since apparently it’s been in the works for close to a year now), and totally peeved that I didn’t have some warning to prepare me.

And, while I understand the idea of people needing to move on to other things, as was apparently Josh Charles’ desire, as a long-time fan, I am also completely saddened that the fundamental make-up of the program has been changed in a split second.  Because, while the show is clearly about Alicia Florick, the best stories have always been about Alicia Florick and Will Gardner.  And, yeah, even though she’s supposed to be “the good wife” to her wandering and questionable politician husband, I’ll admit that I’ve always assumed Alicia and Will would finally find a way to be together forever.  That’s how it was supposed to happen.  I had it all worked out, if only somebody would’ve asked me.

So, I will watch the remainder of this season, and I will work through my grief for Will as the characters do, and I will give them a chance to convince me that the shots in that courtroom weren’t really the death knell for this show.  Personally, I don’t think they have much of a chance; in the long run, I think they’ve probably lost a viewer (and maybe a bunch of them), but I will see if they can succeed. 

And, for the record, just in case they realize the tragic mistake that’s been made, and would like to correct it somewhere down the road, I’ve got that all worked out, too.  I’ll be waiting for somebody to ask me this time.

Six Word Aging

 

 

Attended baby shower; felt really old.

Weight Loss Wednesday, March 19

 

It’s just a little over a month until I depart for Orlando with my PTK friends, so I’m clearly not going to lose that twenty pounds I had hoped to make disappear before the trip.  Still, if I am very diligent, I might still manage to drop five or ten, so I guess I better dial up the diligence.

	Steps	Activities
Wednesday	7,266
Thursday	9,640
Friday	6,303
Saturday	4,454
Sunday	9,728	40 min treadmill; 1.98 miles
Monday	5,673
Tuesday	8,812	20 min treadmill; 1.11 miles

A Little Good News?

 

I love television; that’s surely not a surprise to anyone around here at this point.  And I love it not only for its entertainment value, but also for its ability to inform and educate and to do it more quickly than many other mediums.

But as much as I admire and value TV’s unique place in helping me—and millions of others—stay up to date, I have to admit that all that immediacy has one very big drawback:  it’s depressing as hell.

Currently, we’ve got a missing airliner, along with a couple hundred passengers whose fate is unknown; a helicopter that crashed and killed its crew; fighting, fear, and oppression in the Ukraine, and other locations so numerous it hurts to think about them.  And that’s just the major stuff.  Locally, we’ve got wildfires endangering property, a pair of teenage sisters who just recently lost both parents over the course of just a couple of days time, and a missing man’s body which has apparently been located.

Like I sad, depressing, am I right?  It’s perfectly reasonable for all of this sort of stuff to be on the news, I’m not denying the importance of keeping the public informed.  I’m just saying that in an effort to keep folks informed of the “important” stuff, maybe the news folks could remember some of the other stuff, too. 

Creeping Up

 

My long day started when I woke up to more snow that I had anticipated, leading to more traffic problems than I was prepared for.  My normal 45ish minute commute took twice that.

Then, it was just weird at the office. Not weird bad, just strange.  First, everyone was late.  No surprise there.  Then, no attorneys in due to various engagements, a couple of people out because of the weather, and a couple then left early.  It was quiet, which is nice, but had a weird feel to it.

The plans I had for the evening—one of those social painting classes that I intended to attend with my sister—fell through.  Cancelled because of the weather.  Are you starting to see a pattern?  We’re not exactly equipped for true winter weather, and we’re having too much of it this year.

What this all boils down to is that I’m exhausted.  It hasn’t been a day that seems like it should have worn me out, but it did. (hmm. Maybe that cancelled class was a blessing in disguise?)   I was planning to turn in early, but then I heard Patrick Stewart was going to be on the Letterman show, so I wanted to stay up to watch that.  Unfortunately, I could tell during Elementary that I wasn’t going to get anywhere close to that happening.  My subtle clue?  I was already falling asleep.  I’m good at picking up on things like that.  Sherlock has nothing on me.

Anyway, I turned on the DVR and off the TV; Sir Patrick will have to wait for another night.

But, what this all got me to thinking—both before I drifted off with about two lines of this post written, and now, when I’m slightly more awake—is that I’m getting old.  I’m pretty sure that sort of thing doesn’t happen to young people.  I don’t know when it happened, this aging thing, because I certainly don’t feel like an old woman.  Well, you know, except for when I can’t keep my eyes open and it’s not even ten o’clock yet.  I’m wondering if it feels the same for everyone.? One minute you’re just your normal, happy self, and the next you feel old and drained, with seemingly no in-between time.  There was no lead up to old age, at least not that I noticed.   One day I was, like, 25, and the next day . . . well, let’s just say I wasn’t.  I guess age is some sort of stealthy creeper, always following you, waiting for the right moment to pounce. 

Still, as they say, growing old may suck, but it’s better than the alternative, and that’s true even on really long days like today.

 

The Times, Are They a Changin’?

 

I oscillate back and forth when trying to decide if I actually grew up in a more innocent time, or if the world now is just so much better connected and reported—I’m pretty sure there are no true secrets these days—that everything seems more tainted than it really is.

And why do I wonder this today?  Because Justin Bieber has been arrested for drunk driving.  And Miley Cyrus is . . . well, honestly, I don’t know what she is.  The word lost comes to mind.  And they’re far from the only teen idols making headlines for things having nothing to do with their particular talents.

Of course, these idols aren’t exactly teens anymore (well, technically Bieber is, but not for much longer), but they are the people our teens look up to, and I have to wonder sometimes if this is really the best we can do these days.  But that’s when I start wondering about earlier days.

I grew up with Donny Osmond, David Cassidy, and Michael Jackson, among others.  While I can’t really recall any scandal surrounding Osmond (though that doesn’t mean there wasn’t), Cassidy certainly dealt with his own demons, and we all know what happened to MJ.  And I’m sure there were others of the day who had their own issues, too. 

But back in my day, if you wanted to read about these heartthrobs, you had to shell out for a copy of Tiger Beat, or something.  You couldn’t just turn on the TV and let the 24 hour news channel fill you in on their troubles, and there was no internet to both glorify and vilify the behavior.  So the problems still seemed to be there, but without so much of a spotlight.

Which, of course, makes me wonder about other aspects of life.  I never heard of a school shooting in my youth, but there were groups of people openly called “hoods”, and, in retrospect, I guess I’d be surprised if at least one or two of those hoods wasn’t armed with something more than a bad attitude and a sneer. 

As for drugs and/or alcohol, I’ve always been with the goody two-shoes crowd, but even I knew which kids I could reach out to if I wanted to partake.  The substances that are readily available might have changed some, but my guess is they’re not any easier to come by than they’ve always been.

And, in terms of bullying, we didn’t talk about it so much back when I was a kid, but it certainly still existed.  In a way, it may have even been more common, since there was a definite attitude of “kids will be kids”, rather than understanding the harm that was being done.

So, was the world a kinder, gentler place in generations past?  I’m still not sure.  Maybe.  Or maybe it was just a little more relaxed, things happening in just a little bit of slow motion compared to today.  Or maybe it’s just a nostalgic haze that makes the old days seem different even when they were exactly the same.  Either way, I’m pretty sure that every generation of fifty year olds have looked at the antics of the current crop of teen idols and wondered exactly when the world became such a crazy place, so in that regard, I guess things really do remain the same.